sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
