Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dignity is for republicans.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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