Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
