i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
