I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
