need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
