I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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