Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
