i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
