I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
