Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
