i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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