I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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