can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize