bring money and cleavage
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
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