So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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