Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Randomize
