he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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