sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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