yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
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You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me