He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
