we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?