Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
