He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
