the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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