Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
