I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
