Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she smelled like a LAN party
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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