my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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