hell yes lets make some ravioli
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
