I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
