you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
