after a month anything with tits is on the radar
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Randomize
