How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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