oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
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I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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