I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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