none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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