I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
