man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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