Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
