Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
