I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize