My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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