Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
