i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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