She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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