no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
