Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
