i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
