shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
