Just fell off a train. Bad.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
