So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
