I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
