i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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