wat bout pragnant strippers??
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
