i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
