Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
