Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
