I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm way too hungover for life right now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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