you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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