I'm gonna have a badass scar
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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