Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
