john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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