Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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