I love black thongs
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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