I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
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Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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