is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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