so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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