Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize